I’ve had the distinct pleasure of listening to POTION by lil zubin for over 6 hours straight, and this emotional tale of love lost really struck a chord with me. This two-song EP gave me the hope that through trial and error, one can escape my own patterns of toxicity.
In my opinion, POTION is a glimpse into the lives of three people going through the course of three toxic relationships and the mental repercussions of said relationships. The first track “last time” details the struggles of zubin, cold hart, and horse head as they enter into yet another detrimental cycle, one based on drugs (with zubin only getting a response from his love interest when they want to get high), shared struggles with mental health (with cold hart crooning out a ballad of how he can’t even fight his own demons, let alone someone else’s), and a desperate need to reconnect (with horse head nervously trying to cram together the broken pieces of a relationship, failing each time to make something that resembles a connection). The constant in this isn’t any of their partner’s follies, the constant is their need to heal without any idea of where to begin. Time and time again, they’ve been unable to find that starting point, something that I strongly related to.
Near the end of the song, zubin is joined by cold hart and horse head for the final rendition of the hook, “And I swear this is the last time, even though you said that last time.” There’s an earnest quality to their vocals. You don’t feel any blame or excuses from the trio, there’s simply a desire to find something meaningful. The beat by foxwedding provides an optimistic slant to an otherwise cynical story with the determined drum pattern providing stability to the constantly rising and falling guitar samples. This allowed me to really feel like I’m right there alongside the artists, hearing them at their most vulnerable. I heard the story of three beaten down souls searching for something to fix them, usually taking the road less traveled because the beaten path has never taken them somewhere familiar, somewhere they belong. Even though last time was supposed to be the last time, maybe this time will be different because what other choice do we have?
Then the repercussions of that choice come into play. The closing track “oceans between us” features not only cold hart and horse head, but a fantastic verse from Jon Simmons. The track begins with an unnerving and intoxicating synth pattern, courtesy of fantasy camp. It felt like driving down a poorly lit highway, cocaine flowing through my system as I’m hoping to finally escape the truth. Just as the horns swell up and I think I’m making ground, horse head’s vocals appear like a deer darting from the darkness as I screech to a halt. “I wish I didn’t act the way I do.”
All of a sudden I’m thrown back into my mind as the 808’s kick in. My memories never went anywhere and they never will. So how do we fix it? What’s the next step? These toxic relationships we’ve been apart of have damaged us. We can stay and hope that it gets better, but more than likely that will just cause resentment on both sides as the distance grows with every conversation. Stubbornness abound, we think we can bridge the gap, or swim through the ocean to get to our former love, but are we making the voyage to fix something or just to avoid fixing something? It’s unimportant. In the words of zubin, “Just tell me everything’s alright.” The end doesn’t justify the means, and most likely it never will, but a perceived end feels better than facing the void head-on.
Musically speaking, POTION by zubin is a masterful project thanks in part to the vulnerability of zubin, the emotion of cold hart, horse head, and Jon Simmons, the distinct sounds of both foxwedding and Fantasy Camp, and the solid mastering provided by Nick Colletti. This EP can make you really take a look at yourself and see your flaws, your own toxic patterns, or at the very least feel the camaraderie of several other misfits doing their best to find a place where they can feel at peace.
I want to close by talking about the magnificent artwork created by rottingslowly. It shows a bouquet of flowers sprouting from within a vase filled with blood. On another project it might feel trite or heavy-handed, but on this project I find that it really fits with the narrative constructed by this ensemble. We all have beauty in our pain, but allowing that beauty to flourish is no easy feat. For most of us, it’s a much more realistic option to just bury the pain in an endless hole of drugs and bad relationships than to try and make something blossom.