Humanity’s search for meaning has been at the forefront of the human conscious since before modern civilization. The belief in a greater purpose for our existence and the endless quest to make sense of a confusing and often lonely universe has lead scores of mankind to turn to a higher power for the answer they seek, but what if that god never answers? What if their answers don’t satisfy you? And if you can’t turn to a higher power for the answers you seek, where does that leave you? These challenging questions have always been at the core of humanity’s conscious and have been debated by philosophers for centuries.
A nihilistic outlook on this question is presented to us by Lil Eddie Boy (aka Good Ol’ Boy) on his debut mixtape NEVER HAD A CHANCE. The project, produced entirely by none other than Mana himself, came out early summer 2016 with videos dropping for the singles “Glory” and “Nobody Cares” on the HAUNTXR YouTube channel a month later. Despite the videos receiving tens of thousands of views on YouTube and nearly as many plays on SoundCloud, the spotlight given to the breakout artist struggled to translate interest to the rest of the tape; nearly 2 years later, the other 5 songs on the track struggle to break 5 thousand plays. Lil Eddie Boy would go on to release another project a year later before seemingly quitting the rap game all together.
Based on his soundcloud page and twitter profile it seems that he has decided to take a break from music for the time being, but vague references to a possible return in the future provide some hope for a comeback.
All of this is to say that at the very least NEVER HAD A CHANCE didn’t get the recognition it deserved. What initially appeared to be another white rapper coming onto the scene to capitalize on modern music trends, turned out to contain some personal meaning and authenticity. The production from Mana and the vocals from Lil Eddie Boy combined to create an energy that few other projects have. Mana’s signature dream-like trap sound creates a warped and distorted tone; providing a backdrop from which lyrics about conflict, religious identity, and depression express themselves. Lil Eddie Boy’s blunt depiction of his passage through life cast him in both positive and negative light. He laments the wrongs he has done and the pain he has experienced, but also acknowledges the beauty and joy that have come along with that trauma.
The overall tone of the album is one of apostasy- a renunciation of religious belief. Lyrics like “…used to pray to God for my chance to be anointed. Never did respond, the response was distorted so I stopped calling out and we had a falling out” unravel a past of religious doubt and frustration, catalyzing a change in mindset that eventually produced the nihilism presented to us on each track.
“I’ve been around for a decade times two and I still haven’t found no proof that anything really matters”
Acknowledging that maybe we as individuals have no inherent purpose, and that a supreme being isn’t watching out for us, seem to be the two cornerstones of Lil Eddie Boy’s personal philosophy. He puts it rather bluntly on the track “SO LONG (I’M GONE)” when he says “I’ve been around for a decade times two and I still haven’t found no proof that anything really matters.”
This feeling of life having an inherent meaninglessness provides a comfort and coldness. The knowledge that your actions ultimately have no consequence on a grand metaphysical scale enables acts of violence to be carried out without second thought. Lil Eddie Boy frequently describes violence in shifting perspectives, from a more empathetic view with with lyrics like: “petty conversations lead to flowers at a funeral” to a more aggressive stance like with “need to pull the trigger on these pussies, leave a slug up in em.”
The only relief found in his chaotic and woeful existence is contained in his music and loved ones. Music allowed him a creative outlet to process and heal from trauma acts as his journal through life. The people he came up with are one of the most important things in his life and his drive to not only succeed himself, but to also bring those people with him is one of his strongest motivations.
“I done lost a couple people but they ain’t gone ever die, they just live through me, they just with my while I’m rocking stages…”
NEVER HAD A CHANCE had all the makings of an underground success. With incredible production, lyrical prowess on display, and a life full of highs and lows to draw stories from, the debut project by Lil Eddie Boy could have been the launch to another Soundcloud success story, but just as the message of the album laments; nothing is guaranteed in this chaotic universe. NEVER HAD A CHANCE was followed by ONE HELL OF A RIDE released a year later to an even more lukewarm reception before Lil Eddie Boy seemingly ceased any musical output almost as soon as he had began. Perhaps one day he’ll come back and continue to push the quality and sound of his first project further with new material. As for now, fans of the artist are left with his two projects and an eternal longing for what could have been.